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You know, I was tempted to go with something more mainstream and recognizable as the worst zombie movie ever made, but this really needs to be here. Still unwatchable to any mortal creature, however. There’s a stupid rave, which SyFy showed us is a terrible combination with zombies, gratuitous nudity to distract you from gratuitous bad acting, and a plot that might not actually exist, which means it is actually one of Uwe Bol’s better movies. House of the Dead, based on a game that ate a ton of my quarters over the years, is one of his most egregious crimes. I don’t think a list of bad anything would be entirely complete without finding a way to stick something by the irredeemable Uwe Bol on this list. Biker Zombies is easily one of the most embarrassingly bad attempts at making a funny horror movie. There are very few things in this world worse than an awful attempt at doing a horror/comedy movie, and most of those things involve a lot of people dying ? like wars, or hunger, or capitalism. This movie is also called ?Carmilla, the Lesbian Vampire.? It is the Hatfields & Mccoys of zombie films, except without any of the stuff that makes a story interesting and with an ending that would be at home in a ?Scary Movie? movie.
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While the found footage yawnfest that utilized technology exactly the way you’d expect a 70 year old man to understand it Diary of the Dead was quite bad and deserving of some scorn, the even slower and more nonsensical Survival of the Dead is much worse. It is pretty painful to have to put a George Romero film on a list that I started off with a George Romero reference, but the man ? genius that he may be ? has made some subpar movies in recent years. Sounds enthralling, right? Survival of the Dead Killing Birds is a zombie movie about killer birds that features one scene of somebody being killed by birds.
ZOMBIE BIKER MOVIE SERIES
Of course, Zombi is a series that is numbered as strangely as Final Fantasy games on the Super Nintendo, and none of the movies are even remotely related to each other, with Fulci’s Zombi 2 being the best. I guess the number five is the unlucky number for zombie movie sequels, because the fifth entry in the Zombi/e series makes the rest of the movies in the series look more like the original Dawn of the Dead than they do the remake of Day of the Dead.
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Whether it was the heavily Russian accented American soldiers, the level of special effects you would expect from a SyFy Original, or a plot so uninteresting you immediately forget it when its over, this movie gives the other twenty eight terrible SyFy Originals a run for the title of worst SyFy Original. The Return of the Living Dead series, an obvious mockbuster nod to Romero’s Whatever of the Living Dead series, did a fine job of standing on its own for a little while, but by the fifth one there really wasn’t anything left in the tank. Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave And if you thought a movie that could barely handle being about zombies would be made even worse if it tried to handle political satire, guess what! You are totally correct. There is more emphasis on the stripping than there is the zombieing, but that is for the best considering just how poorly written the dialog is. Depending on what your definition of ?star? is, the biggest star in this movie is either Robert Englund, Jenna Jameson, or Tito Ortiz. As long as you are considering ?none at all? a level. With a title like Zombie Strippers, you obviously have to be expecting a certain level of quality. That award goes to Zombie Lake and its special effects on par with a catholic school’s carnival face painter. While 1977’s Shock Waves was probably the first nazi zombie movie, it certainly wasn’t the worst zombie movie. Nazi Zombies is as actually a subgenre of zombie films that, as you would expect, features the most common enemy in a first person shooter game rising from their graves. This could have been the top ? just based on the SyFy channel alone. It is safe to say that there are far, far, far more examples of the latter than there are the former. The movies that go this route end up being as mindless and slow as their subject matter. The worst zombie movies, on the other hand, use zombies to represent capitalizing on a trend and making as much money as possible before writing off their losses when the tax man comes. Pretty powerful considering the antagonists are as silent as they are numerous. George Romero, the father of the dead, used zombies to represent everything from racism to consumerism as well as demonstrating that the most dangerous thing to humanity is ourselves. The best zombie movies use the shambling reanimated corpses as allegories.